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 Red Velvet Lounge:
Shit Jobs & Demographics
by Sammy Morocco
Have you seen the Bailey's commercial where the guy pours the last drop of the bottle onto the drunk girl on the couch and the asshole sitting next to her intercepts the drop, like he's not drunk enough? Here's what's wrong with this commercial—the setting sucks. It doesn't make me wanna drink Bailey's. A bunch of yuppies sitting around an apartment pouring Irish cream onto other yuppies who are passed out on the couch? Mmm…Bailey's. I do, however, like the Tanqueray commercials with Tony Sinclair. And Glenfiddich has followed suit with its own mascot, Brock Savage. At least they're trying to bring some class to being a drunk. Those guys are nobodies, but you still want to hang out with them, 'cause they've got moxie. The drunk bitch passed out on the couch who's trying to get the last drop of Bailey's needs to reexamine her life. And I'm talking about the girl in real life (you know she's real) and the actress playing her (cause nobody's banging down her door to play a Bond girl). I don't like to be the bearer of bad news, but when you're playing a girl passed out on the couch in a commercial, it's time to get a REAL jobby job.
But what I really want to talk about is your jobby job. Do you work there 'cause you really like it? Or because you've convinced yourself that you're eventually going to move up? What keeps you from coming to work drunk every morning? The money? If you're reading this, you can't be making more than $12 an hour. And that's just enough to keep you above the poverty line. I'm not trying to talk you into making a life-changing decision, but, to cut to the chase, either own your shit and love being a busboy, or say, “Fuck it!” and go do what you really wanna do.
You see, the drunk girl on the couch epitomizes the yuppie culture of people who are broke as hell and living on credit cards but trying to pretend they're successful by eating sushi and shopping at Target instead of Wal-Mart. She won't go to the Rivermarket 'cause there're too many bums downtown. And I'm sure she's got a rich boyfriend (or two) and a Mazda Miata. But at the end of the day, she goes back to her $700 a month apartment in Turtle Creek that she can barely afford, where she tries to pretend that she's happy. Fuck that. Move to Capitol View, start drinkin' 40's instead of Bailey's, trade in the '05 Miata for an old Caprice Classic and stop worrying so much about your image. Be happy instead. A shit job is fun if you're honest with yourself about why you're doing it. You're there to make money. Nobody's envying you because you work at Starbucks. You hate it, and that's ok. Just be honest about it. You could work as a welder in southwest Little Rock and make $50,000 a year, but you wouldn't be able to pretend you're hot shit anymore because that's not a “cool” job. Don't think that the drunk yuppie girl on the couch is any better off than a poor black kid the projects. It's just different demographics. I'd rather be happy and living in the hood than pretending to be rich and throwing my money away renting some shitty prefab townhouse out west. Either be happy with what you've got or shut up. I'm out.
Sammy Morocco lives a quiet life in suburbia with his wife and daughter. Besides playing golf and being a member of the Junior Chamber of Commerce, he spends his spare time writing about life, love, and liquor. Send all fanmail to moroccoink-mail@yahoo.com
Column archive: December 11, 2005; December 23, 2005
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